Danielle Shankman
Trigger Warning: This article highlights the issues and importance of sexual coercion. Content may be emotionally triggering for those who have or know someone who experienced sexually coercion.
Rape and sexual assault have been given a necessary spotlight in the past decade whether it be through social media, high-interest court cases or activist organizations such as the “Me Too movement”. While this is extremely important and should remain an integral element in this conversation, the topic of sexual coercion is often brushed aside leaving many unbeknownst to the term even though they may have been victim to it.
Sexual coercion is any unwanted sexual activity that occurs when one is lied to, threatened, pressured, or forced in a nonphysical manner. Sexual coercion is all too common and unfortunately rarely educated or spoken about.
It manifests itself in situations where abusers manipulate and connive their way into sex. It’s when your date begs you for a blowjob after buying you dinner claiming it’s owed, when your classmate blackmails you for sex by threatening to expose the nudes you sent him drunk or when they wear down your “no” into a yes after asking ten times over. Sexual coercion comes in a multitude of forms and circumstances not exclusive to a single experience, although they all share that terrible feeling that comes afterwards. With any assault, coercion leaves mental and emotional detriment and can lead to mental health issues, anxiety and an overall altered view of sex. The psychological warfare of it all has individuals question their feelings after the encounter as their abusers hide behind the “consent” you gave yet deferring from the tactics they used to obtain it.
These perpetrators often preach of how disgusted they are of sexual assailants, how they would pay to beat them up and perhaps even introduce themselves as a feminist or the “nice guy” (or individual). Now in all these cases, this behaviour is selfish and cruel but it is also the product of a system that teaches business schoolboys to never take “no” for an answer and a sex-ed curriculum that barely grazes over these subjects as they label them “taboo”. The education on sexual assault, in all its forms, is a much-needed conversation to be had and learnt from. I write to you all as a 20-year-old female who can accurately state that 90% of my friends have experienced sexual coercion including myself. This is disappointing and heartbreaking but also a testament to the culture we are dropped into at a young age while exploring our sexuality.
This blog post was meant to get straight to the point, however, this subject stems from an ugly and long-rooted problem in our society. I ask that all of you do further research, talk to friends family and strangers, educate them, make this issue known. For any readers that have experienced sexual coercion, I am deeply sorry and for those who have and didn’t know until now I am even more sorry. Sexual coercion is traumatic and undisputedly vile, our experiences with it need to be known just as prominently as its effects.
It’s hard to imagine that something that happens so often wouldn’t be equally spoken learned about. However, this is just the reality of our circumstance, which means it’s on us to have this conversation, no matter how difficult. To anyone struggling with this, I hope you know you are seen and your feelings are valid. To the individuals who don’t see this as an issue...
Sincerely,
Fuck you.
If anyone has experienced or knows someone who has experienced sexually coercion, provided below are some resources that can help one cope and or learn how to escape someone who is sexually coercive. We are all here for one another in this community and only want to offer support to one another and spread awareness.
SAC Kingston (Sexual Assault Centre)
Phone: 1-877-544-6424. Available 24 hours Crisis Support.
Email: sack@sackingston.com
Located at 400 Elliott Avenue, Unit 1 (Rockcliffe Plaza) Kingston, Ontario, Canada.
Queen's University Sexual Violence Prevention and Response Coordinator, Barb Lotan.
Barb Lotan can aid in the healing process and assess potential next steps.
Email: bjl7@queensu.ca
Office Located at B502 Mackintosh-Corry Hall, Human Rights & Equity hallway.
Kingston Police (Non-Emergency Line)
Phone: (613) 549-4660
**In the event of an emergency always call 911 immediately or if on campus locate an emergency blue light.
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