LK
While preparing for my applications to medical school, I was asked to reflect on a time that I had experienced a power imbalance. I recognize that as a white, cis-gendered, heterosexual, university-educated woman, I have lived a privileged life and not felt the negative effects of powerful individuals or institutions. However, I would be disregarding my own experiences if I didn’t choose to speak about my sexual assault; an incident that is arguably the most literal example of an imbalance of power.
Going back and reflecting on such a traumatic experience was difficult, and is the reason why so many survivors become re-traumatized when forced to relive their experiences in the context of a legal case. For me though, it made me think about how much my assault changed me as a person, and how much I have evolved since. In no way am I saying that I’m thankful for my abuser. In fact, if I could go back and erase the trauma, of course I would. However, I truly believe I wouldn’t be the person I am today had I not gone through the process of learning and healing during my recovery.
It’s true that our experiences shape who we are, and unfortunately I think that it’s the worst experiences that have the greatest impact. Granted, I may be coming from a place of immense privilege when I say this because I was fortunate to have a stellar support system and the resources, time, and safe space I needed to heal. But, I’m thankful for the person I have become as a result of the trauma I’ve experienced. I am a stronger, more compassionate human being than I was before, with the ability to empathize with others experiencing trauma or feeling the harmful effects of a power differential. I am more sensitive, and able to better communicate and regulate my emotions because of the work that I did on myself in the process of healing. If it weren’t for my assault, I wouldn’t have the passion that I do now for consent education and ending rape culture. I wouldn’t have joined amazing communities of people like Consensual Humans, working together towards these goals.
I would never wish my experience on anyone else, and I hope that we can create a society which sees the end of sexual violence. Until then, I hope that we continue to tell stories of resilience and strength, to remind us that there is light at the end of even the darkest tunnel.
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