Jenna Lubsen
Trigger Warning: This article contains discussion surrounding sexual and emotional coercion that some readers may find troublesome.
A beloved holiday classic, Baby it's Cold Outside, has been under heavy scrutiny based on the coercive undertone of the lyrics. Is it possible that we have become 'too sensitive' and are just nit picking the contents of holiday favourite, or have we been overlooking the implications of the lyrics because 'it's just song' as many people have argued.
Baby it's Cold Outside was first released in 1953 by singer Dean Martin. And is commonly described as a man's efforts to convince is date to stay longer because he does not want her to be out in the cold, simply out of concern. And to be fair perhaps with one listen this is all it would appear to be, but with that second listen comes the realization that the lyrics are that of a coercive approach to get her to stay the night. The back and forth approach that has been taken to this song, time and time again, by a variety of artists over the years, really highlights the hesitation on the part of the female companion. The entire song exists because of the hesitation of the women and the heavy persistence of the man. We can dive even deeper by acknowledging that those who wrote and released this song, as well as those who later released covers, are all profiting off of the coercion of women in a romantic setting.
To provide some context, examples of these lyrics include:
"I ought to say no no no sir" "Mind if I move in closer?"
"Ah, you're very pushy you know?" "I like to think of it as opportunistic"
"My sister will be suspicious" "Gosh your lips look delicious!"
I have personally heard a variety of different arguments in favour of the original song and the assurance that the content is only intended to portray a kind, considerate man trying to keep his date safe and out of the cold. I usually rebuttal this stance by asking then why does he not offer to drive her home? Or then why does he not warm her car up for her? These are common enough practices that still maintain a level of kindness and consideration and would relay the same message, relay it better I would argue. Would anyone feel comfortable when they are trying to politely excuse themselves from a date and are denied every opportunity to do so? I know I wouldn't. There is a certain level of responsibility that one feels on a date to be polite and even when scenarios become uncomfortable. This is exactly the kind of responsibility that the female persona in the song is demonstrating, trying not to be rude but also trying to make their way to the door.
Defending these actions and their coercive nature, defend all other men and women that feel as though they can slowly chip away at a person and wear them down until they do what they want. Sure it may not be outwardly advocating for rape or rape culture, if that makes anyone feel better, but the emotional and mental coercion that is being demonstrated can do just as much damage. Romantic and sexual relations should only ever take place when both or all parties are completely consenting. Having to talk someone into having sex with you doesn't make your date a success, it makes you manipulative.
After mulling these thoughts around in my head since I heard Christmas songs come on the radio this holiday season, it was beyond refreshing to hear John Legends take on the classic. Legend enrolled the help of Kelly Clarkson to bring to life, a consensual version of Baby it's Cold Outside. By replacing lyrics like "My mother will start to worry - Beautiful what's your hurry?" with "My mom will start to worry - I'll call the car and tell him to hurry" maintains interest in the date but incorporates the mutual respect that should be expected and maintained on every romantic venture. This much needed change represents the desire we have to change, but the time it took to make the change re-instills the hold that tradition and societal norms have over us. My hope is that this change will spark others and that over time we can make, at least the music industry, a place free of sexually coercive implications and innuendos.
With this I recommend that everyone listen to John Legends version of Baby it's Cold Outside for some refreshing and consensual holiday cheer!
Provided are some resources that can help anyone who is or knows someone who is struggling with sexual and or emotional coercive.
SAC Kingston (Sexual Assault Centre)
Phone: 1-877-544-6424. Available 24 hours Crisis Support.
Email: sack@sackingston.com
Located at 400 Elliott Avenue, Unit 1 (Rockcliffe Plaza) Kingston, Ontario, Canada.
Queen's University Sexual Violence Prevention and Response Coordinator, Barb Lotan.
Barb Lotan can aid in the healing process and assess potential next steps.
Email: bjl7@queensu.ca
Office Located at B502 Mackintosh-Corry Hall, Human Rights & Equity hallway.
Kingston Police (Non-Emergency Line)
Phone: (613) 549-4660
**In the event of an emergency always call 911 immediately or if on campus locate an emergency blue light.
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