Alix Lane
I'm sure we can all relate to watching our very first sex scene in a movie or television show a long, long time ago, most likely with our parents present. The noticeably awkward feeling and covering your eyes or asking a dumb question like, why are they all sweaty? For me, it was an old James Bond movie and Titanic which first exposed me to the deed. Since then, it is commonly accepted that sex in films and television always show it as an amazing experience: never an ounce of clumsiness, perfect hair and makeup where the girl has a magical orgasm.
Some movies and shows that come to mind are Gossip Girl, Scandal, Fifty Shades of Grey, and, recently, Bridgerton. I fear that these kinds of scenes set up young teens or young adults to have unrealistically high expectations, and for those who have female genitalia the risk of being significantly disappointed increases. It is known that, on average, females need a much more extended foreplay period to reach climax. Studies show that only 50-70% of women orgasm during sex and that figure is only going down, whereas 95% of men finish. This number goes down even further when talking about vaginal intercourse, with only 29% of women saying they can finish. Typically, in movies and T.V., this is a main form of pleasure for women where they usually can always achieve orgasm - in a very tight time frame, might I add.
I have an issue with shows like Bridgerton, which is supposed to be about the sexual awakening within Daphne's main character. However, she is grossly misinformed in the sex-ed department, which I also understand is in tune with the period the show is set in, but this leads her to marry someone who does not fully disclose to her what their relationship will be. She does not understand how conception works and enters this sexual relationship with her husband, Simon, who never once explains why at the last-minute he turns away from her. She just believes it is to do with his physical impairment. She does not realize that it is a choice he is making. She then goes on to investigate and discovers that he is fully capable of having children just chooses not to. They then proceed to have a particularly problematic sex scene where he tells her to stop, but she doesn't, ultimately forcing him to finish. The issue I have with this is that it glamorizes this young girl being taken advantage of due to nobody taking the proper time to inform her of how exactly sex works. It just further highlights the importance of sex-ed in schools. For some teens, it can set them up for situations they perhaps do not feel comfortable with or going into a situation without the proper precautions.
A couple of differences between sex in real life and movies and T.V. are as follows:
It is actually pretty awkward at the beginning.
Sex with somebody new can be awkward as you maybe don't feel as comfortable or know what each other likes. Feeling nervous and awkward is perfectly normal, and we've all felt it. Sex with a long-term partner will do you good as you can build up that connection, and after a certain time, you know exactly how to please the other person. Plus, you can start to experiment within the bedroom.
It's not that exciting every time, and it is messy.
In the movies and T.V., they never show the reality, which is the 'clean up' afterwards. Sometimes, sex can be dull or like a routine walk-the-dog kind of activity, which is normal and pretty much every couple can relate to.
Women do not have multiple orgasms right when a man touches them.
This. When I was younger, I truly believed that as soon as I was touched or a guy went down on me, I was going to see rainbows and orgasm all over the place. Obviously, this was not the case, and it took a couple of tries and practice to get to a place where everything was working and feeling good. One scene this makes me think of is in Fifty Shades of Grey during Anastasia's first time when Christian goes down on her. He is seemingly nowhere near her vagina, but she makes all this noise like she is about to orgasm all over his face. Highly unrealistic.
Getting slammed into a wall hurts.
Or getting shoved on a desk with things flying everywhere. Doesn't happen, and it hurts.
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