Izzy Waite
Trigger Warning: This article contains content in reference to 'slut shaming', this can be a very sensitive topic for some people and can trigger uncomfortable and unpleasant feelings.
Frequent conversations that I hear amongst my peers are ones revolving around the topic of 'body count'. 'Body count' or a 'kill count' being the number of people someone has had sex with. It has been normalized so much that it is common for someone to ask a person that they barely know how high their body count is. A guy is praised if he has a higher “kill count,” whereas a girl is often shamed for it. This double standard is demonstrated as soon as someone loses their virginity. When a guy loses their virginity, it is celebrated, but the same cannot be said for girls. Society frowns on women losing their virginity, and many times they will be labeled a slut or a whore.
I can’t help but wonder where this obsession over body count came from. Is the reason
behind it just to slut-shame and persecute women? Does it stem from insecurity? I guess the answer is different depending on the person, but the effects that it has on women, especially young women, can be detrimental. If a woman has too high of a body count, she is a slut, but if she has too low of a body count, then she is a prude or inexperienced. Many women are aware of this, but if they refrain from answering the dreaded body count question, they are seen as lame or weird. But a correct number has never been set, and rightfully so, because there is no correct number of sexual partners one should have.
The slut shaming that comes from body count does not always come from men. It is also
often used as ammunition from girls to tear each other down. There are some people who
preach the idea of women supporting women, but then turn around and slut shame women who intimidate them or women they do not like, usually based on their own insecurities. This is not to say that slut shaming only happens to women, because it happens to other genders as well, but it is most commonly targeted to women, especially when regarding body count.
Many cultural factors can also play a role in the negative connotations associated with a persons sexual partners. Different cultures have different expectations for the sexual conduct of men and women, usually different sets of expectations. Religion can also be used as a means to persecute women for having sexual relations before marriage. Sexual relations is a multifaceted topic that is much more complex than most realize. This complicates the detrimental fallout such as slut shaming.
Sex is supposed to be a unique and intimate experience shared between individuals and shouldn’t have to be shared with others. This idea of body count and the stigma around it limits people from finding pleasure in sex. Having consensual sex is healthy and no one should be shamed for it.
If you or anyone you know is currently experiencing unfair treatment based on their sexual practices, please know that there are resources and support systems available to help cope and/or resolve these issues. Resources are provided below.
Queen's University Sexual Violence Prevention and Response Coordinator, Barb Lotan.
Barb Lotan can aid in the healing process and assess potential next steps.
Email: bjl7@queensu.ca
Office Located at B502 Mackintosh-Corry Hall, Human Rights & Equity hallway.
Queen's University Student Wellness Services.
Located in Mitchell Hall. 69 Union St, Kingston.
Phone: (613) 533-2506
Open from 9 am - 7 pm Monday to Thursday
9 am - 4:30 pm Friday
Closed Saturday and Sunday
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