India Ravenhearst
Trigger Warning: Sexual Harassment
Whether it be the blue lights around campus, the walk home program, or the constant stream of stories from fellow students, entering Queen’s University in my first year seemed a little daunting.
I know that the programs in place or the blue lights are precautionary, but I’ll never forget the first time I passed one by Victoria Hall and felt uneasy that this was the reality that I had to face. In reality, it did make me feel safer to know that if I were in danger something was in place to help, but it also urged the question, why? Or more accurately, what had to happen to make these blue lights that lined my walk home from class necessary?
I’ll never forget the first university party I went to, and what they were like throughout my first-year experience. There were many times I would get together with my friends and find an address to go to and spend the rest of the night, which was always fun. But if I truly reflect on those times, I don’t really know if I always felt safe. I remember one time I went to this party, and the room was filled with people I really didn’t know. I was dancing with a couple of my friends, and a boy came up behind me. I was okay until, without asking, he put his hands on me in a place I didn’t want him to touch. I’ll never forget the thought process after I pushed him away, when I allowed myself to feel guilty that I put myself in a position for that to happen. I felt dirty. I thought that it was my fault.
After reflection, I have come to realize that event was not okay, and it will never, in a million years, be okay. It was not my fault. Unfortunately, this event is one of many I have heard from friends who have also gone to parties, or even from anonymous posts on pages such as Stolen By Smith.
I probably won’t ever feel fully safe as a young woman walking alone at night, especially if I put my headphones on and listen to music. I find myself walking through the student ghetto at night feeling nervous that a car might stop beside me, get a very unwelcome catcall, or someone might stop me. I could say that I am an over-thinker and that I’ll probably be fine, but these personal experiences and stories shaped a lot of how I, as a second-year student, will have to approach situations in the future. It’s important to know and learn, but to experience… it’s different.
We need to do better. We need to understand boundaries. We are all young people experiencing freedom for the first time and consent, and feeling unsafe shapes and changes a person. I hope that for those of you reading this you know you aren’t alone, and I’m sorry if you’ve ever had to feel unsafe. All I know is that by opening up and being honest about boundaries, through the removal of stigmatization around consent, people can be better and treat others the way they deserve. Every person deserves respect.
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