Izzy Waite
Content Warning: This article contains discussion of sexual assault and may be emotionally triggering for some readers.
It can be difficult to hold those closest to you accountable for their actions. It is also
difficult to decide who to trust when there are two conflicting sides of the story; when you want to believe the victim but on the other side is someone who you have known and trusted for a long time. The bottom line is that only about 5% of rape allegations have been proven to be false, and coming forward is so difficult for victims, and so it is important to believe and stand by the victim.
When a sexual assault occurs and the assailant is someone who you are close with, it
is imperative that you don’t just let them get away with it. Maybe you thought that they could never be capable of something like this, or that this would never happen to someone that you know. Often people also do not hold their friends accountable or change their friendship with them because they feel that it will be too difficult when they did not do something that directly affects them. When you don’t hold your friends accountable, or if you just ignore the situation, it can make the victim feel invalidated. Additionally, when you do not speak up, it can make your friend feel as if they did not do anything wrong. This can lead to them potentially doing it again to someone else or the same victim.
Your friend may not even know that they did anything wrong. This is also another reason
to talk to them about it, because they might just be uneducated on consent. Just because
someone is uneducated does not mean that they should not have consequences. You should
inform them that what they did was wrong, and support the victim.
When people see that the friends of an assailant do not hold them accountable, then it
seems that they condone their actions, even if they do not. This is also a big reason as to why it is so difficult for victims to come forward, and why many do not. It makes victims feel like they are isolated and have no support, while the assailant can get away without any consequences for their actions. If you are friends with someone that you know is a rapist, then that reflects badly on your own character. Why would you want to be friends with someone like that?
If you or someone you know is or has experienced sexual assault, provided are some resources that can help.
SAC Kingston (Sexual Assault Centre)
Phone: 1-877-544-6424. Available 24 hours Crisis Support.
Email: sack@sackingston.com
Located at 400 Elliott Avenue, Unit 1 (Rockcliffe Plaza) Kingston, Ontario, Canada.
Queen's University Sexual Violence Prevention and Response Coordinator, Barb Lotan.
Barb Lotan can aid in the healing process and assess potential next steps.
Email: bjl7@queensu.ca
Office Located at B502 Mackintosh-Corry Hall, Human Rights & Equity hallway.
Kingston Police (Non-Emergency Line)
Phone: (613) 549-4660
**In the event of an emergency always call 911 immediately or if on campus locate an emergency blue light.
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